Mummy’s first lie-in
I spent this past weekend in Leamington Spa for a girl’s night out with some old school friends.
It was my first overnight stay minus my plus one. As my Mum lives close by in Birmingham I decided to drop off T for a night at Nana’s.
Packing T’s belongings for her sleepover should have been straightforward but it never ceases to amaze me just how much stuff such a little person needs. I started making the list mid-week as I knew if I didn’t write stuff down as I thought of it I’d never remember it all.
The list looked something like this…
• Hand pump (specially purchased for my overnighter so that I didn’t wake up the whole house with my electric, totally indiscreet, pump)
• 2 newly purchased bottles and a sterilizer box
• Weaning spoon and feeding pot
• Avocado (for T to eat)
• Frozen stash of breast milk
• Thermos flask (to transport the milk)
• Formula (in case the milk runs out before I can dash back from Leamington)
• Feeding bibs
• Muslins
• Sheets for the travel cot (fortunately my Mum has her own travel cot, so one less heavy thing to carry)
• Sleep bag for T
• Toys
• Bath towel and flannel
• Nappies
• Nappy bags
• Room thermometer
• Baby thermometer (in case of emergency)
• Calpol (in case of emergency)
• Comb
• Clothes
• Pram
• Pram blanket
• Sling
It took me 2 and a half hours to pack it all and get her ready. We then hit the motorway and 3 hours later I dropped T off at Mum’s. It was then my turn to get ready for the night out before jumping in the car again to drive to Leamington.
I was exhausted, but it was worth it. We had a fun night and even better, an uninterrupted lie-in the next morning until 10am. My first in 7 months. It felt amazing.
My husband and I had expected T to be a bit of a handful in our absence but thankfully we were wrong. T refused to take a bottle until she was really, really hungry but she was good natured, smiley and all-in-all a pleasurable house-guest, according to her Nana.
Nana enjoyed it so much she’s offered to take 3 days off work in June to look after T while my husband and I indulge in a long weekend in Paris. I’m beyond excited…
Photo credit: just.Luc
Mummy milestones
T was six months old last Friday. As first-time parents, there’s a tendency to spend a lot of time noting/obsessing over your baby’s milestones as they hit each key stage. I’ve found myself repeatedly cracking open the baby books as each month passes to double check the developmental stages that T should be reaching.
However this time round, with this 6 month milestone, I didn’t rush for the books again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still keen to know if T is progressing along the right lines. (I’m immensely proud of the fact that she can now sit without tumbling over for a couple of minutes and that she’s developed the cutest, most infectious laugh I’ve ever heard.) However, instead of scrutinising her, I’ve spent the past few days since T’s 6 month birthday mulling over how I’ve fared in my new role as a mother.
In many ways, with routine mummy tasks – like feeding, changing, bath time, bedtime, playtime, soothing baby – I feel that I finally get what it is I’m supposed to be doing. T and I have found our way around the major obstacles, sometimes in a bumpy fashion, but these things have gradually become second nature. I guess this means I’m no longer a “new” mum – probation is officially over.
As I reflect, I think my proudest achievements so far are learning to recognise the differences between T’s cries and learning how to multi-task. With regards to the latter, I always thought I was good at this before. Funny that. As it turns out, I had yet to face my ultimate test.
A few multi-tasking lessons I’ve learnt over the past few months include:
- Don’t skip lunch just because you think you have your hands full with tending to baby and are too exhausted/don’t have time to fix anything. You’ll crash and burn if you do. Put the baby down and eat something. Even if it’s just cous-cous (my newest favourite thing, after biscuits, as “cooking” requires boiling a kettle and letting it stand for a matter of minutes)
- Certain tasks that used to take you 20 minutes in your uninterrupted life pre-baby (like fixing a proper lunch for example) may now seem like insurmountable obstacles. If it’s important to you, find a way to still do it. If it isn’t important or not possible to complete in interrupted intervals, forget about it or put it off until that magical time when your baby is asleep.
- Always, always, always stockpile washing powder, nappies, wipes and your own personal essentials, whatever they may be (for me currently, biscuits). That way you’ll have an emergency stash and never have to do a panicked dash to the supermarket when you’re already running late doing whatever else it was you were supposed to do.
I’ve learnt tons over the past 6 months but in other ways I still feel a bit lost. Inside I still feel like the old me, pre-baby, but everything on the outside is totally different. At times, my old life feels like I dreamt it up. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I had a lot of fun over the past decade but by the time I hit 29 I wanted a baby really badly. I felt I was ready to move on to the next stage and embrace whatever it was that held for me.
While I’m still figuring out some important bits, namely how my new role as a mother sits alongside the rest of my life, having a baby really has brought everything into focus. My perspectives have shifted in lots of ways when it comes to determining with what is really important to me and our little family. I guess when everyone tells you “nothing will ever be the same again” it’s true, but how you interpret what that means to you can be thrilling and scary at the same time.
Baby goes organic
This afternoon, T ate her very first prepared meal – a teaspoon of organic baby rice, mixed with a tablespoon of mummy’s milk followed by 3 sips of water.
I’ve been a bit apprehensive about weaning T. I could see she was ready – she’s 6 months old next week, she’s sitting up well with support and she watches us eat with fascination – but I was nervous about the unknown territory I was about to move in to.
It was a multi-stage process to get ready. First of all I had to pick a highchair and wait for it to be delivered. Then I had to buy feeding equipment and special bibs. Finally I had to research how to actually go about it.
As with almost everything baby related there seems to be a myriad of opinions on the best way to move your baby onto solid foods. My knowledge on this topic was pretty much zero so I had to educate myself on baby led weaning (which I’d never heard of until 2 weeks ago) versus conventional weaning.
I decided to go the conventional route and decided to take the plunge this afternoon after we completed a shopping trip on Upper St.
I unpacked one of T’s new feeding bibs, which come down to her knees, complete with sleeves. I washed and sterilized her feeding items and re-read the instructions for fixing her first meal. It felt really odd; T has never had formula so it was the first time I’d had to prepare a feed for her.
She was really hungry by the time I finished getting it ready so we started off with her regular milk feed. I cut it short after four minutes and winded her. Then, I opted to prop her up on sofa next to me so I could sit as close to her as possible and put a small spoonful of the baby rice to her lips.
T was completely perplexed by it all. She tasted the rice with a furrowed brow. A lot of the mouthfuls ended up around her mouth but over the course of ten minutes she ate the entire thing.
Tomorrow I’m going to buy a hand blender and that’s when the fun really starts! Next week, we’ll start experimenting with vegetables or fruit…
Plus one versus minus one
During the week T is my permanent plus one, wherever I go she goes as her daddy is at work during the day and I don’t have any local childcare options.
At the weekend I often have the option to do plus one or minus one, as T’s daddy is happy to look after her. At first I thought it was a tough call to decide whether to do the mummy thing when meeting friends who don’t have babies (and often want to see her) or leave her at home.
Now I’m convinced, if there’s expressed milk at hand then minus one is often the way to go.
On Saturday I met my friends Catherine and Catherine for lunch. We are old schoolfriends and it had been almost a year since the three of us were together. T was in tow and the Catherines were really kind by suggesting we meet in Islington to make it easier for me. We headed to baby-friendly Browns and had a lovely lunch. T slept for a while but when she woke up she was a handful.
When out with your child-less friends and your plus one it can be a precarious juggling act. Keeping the conversation flowing while keeping your baby occupied can be quite a challenge, especially when you’re breastfeeding a restless little one while smack bang next to the floor to ceiling restaurant window. Even better, my glass of sauvignon blanc arrived just as T latched on… I hate it when that happens, it makes me look like a boozy mother….
I love T dearly but I’ve learnt from experience it’s often best to leave her at home with daddy. Case in point, Sunday. Following my lunch with the Catherines I left the baby at home the following afternoon for Sunday lunch at Pete’s and Rich’s lovely flat in Herne Hill.
Baby-less and travelling without the sling I was able to wear a decent dress and impractical shoes. Even better I could have a giggle over a glass or two of wine, followed by a tipple of sherry without disapproving glances, potential poo explosions or checking the position of my breastfeeding scarf.
I called my husband as I left the lunch to let him know I was on my way home. It turns out T had refused to take a bottle during the entire 4 hours I was away. I instantly felt awful. She was fine when I got back, but still turning up her nose at the bottle until I arrived. That’s the downside of being minus one, I often find when I get home I’ve been missed by my little one and that I’ve missed her loads too.
T and the cot – the nightmare seems to be over
I’m really, really excited to be able to say that T has finally settled into her cot, after 14 very long nights…
This week she has started falling asleep within 10 minutes of being put down at bedtime. Even better, she seems to have grown out of needing her 1am and 4am mini feeds and now sleeps solidly from 9pm till around 7am.
She’s done this for four nights in a row now, so I’m hoping she’ll keep it up. My husband and I still take peeks to check on her at around midnight when she would normally be rousing for a feed. Instead she tends to be sucking her thumb with her eyes shut, not making a sound. I think the combination of the bumper, sleeping bag and making her sleep space more snug has done the trick.
Now my body just has to get used to no longer needing to provide late night feeds. I can’t quite believe it.
A day in the life of a not so yummy mummy
I have been a stay-at-home mum for 5 months.
Time is flying.
T doesn’t exactly have a set daytime routine and neither does her mummy, but thinking about it, our weekdays have a kind of random pattern.
T wakes up sometime between 6.30am and 7am for a feed. We then fall asleep again for an hour. I’m usually awake when my husband goes to work at 8.30am. T is still sleepy at this time and if I’m really tired I’ll stay in bed for a bit too.
T’s day usually consists of a top and tail wash first thing, getting changed into day clothes, feeds, nappy changes and brief naps in the morning and the afternoon. In between these core activities she’ll spend an hour or so on the play gym “talking” to Mr. Monkey and Mr. Elephant, sucking her thumb or playing with her rattles. She’ll strain her neck trying to watch TV if mummy leaves it on.
Most days there’s an hour or two spent in the baby carrier while mummy runs an errand. Or, we’ll pop to mum & baby meet-up / baby massage / stay and play / baby bounce depending on the day of the week.
In the evening T spends half an hour in the bouncing baby chair in the kitchen watching mummy try to prepare some kind of dinner or get a handle on the day’s washing up. T normally starts protesting after a little while so we usually end up on the sofa where I read to her or talk to her prior to her last feed before bath time begins at 8.15pm. After bath time T has one final feed in her room and then it’s time for bed.
Mummy’s day usually consists of the above plus a piece of toast for breakfast while watching a bit of Sky News and reviewing my emails first thing. If I’m feeling optimistic or don’t have a morning appointment somewhere I try to express milk in the morning while simultaneously feeding the baby.
During the day I usually have at least one errand to run and there’s always at least two cycles of laundry to do by nightfall plus washing up dishes whenever I get chance; fixing a quick lunch (usually late afternoon, at around 4pm); trying to do a bit of work when T naps and then cooking some kind of meal later in the evening.
By the time T has been bathed and put to bed I’m exhausted but I usually finish fixing dinner straight after she’s been put down and my husband steps in to help settle her if need be while I’m in the kitchen. Or vice versa, he cooks and I collapse on the sofa. We then eat and catch up on each other’s days before I do a bit more work and then head to bed after midnight.
I absolutely hate doing housework but I came to realize this evening that I spend the bulk of my time (when T isn’t in my arms) doing some kind of household chore. I find tackling housework while looking after a small baby is a bit like learning to tread water for the first time. It takes a massive amount of effort just to try and keep your head above water.
I think the majority of the mummies at our tea group have cleaners, one told me thanks to her cleaner she hasn’t had to clean the bathroom once since her baby was born. The idea seems like a little sliver of heaven to me. We can’t afford a cleaner, plus our flat is pretty small, so I attempt to stay on top of the basics with varying degrees of success.
If T’s awake, a small chore can take a lot longer than it should so I often have to weigh up which job desperately needs doing and which one can wait. Tonight, at 11pm, it was a toss up between doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom (both needed urgent attention and I knew at that time of night there was no chance of coaxing my husband into either area). As I surveyed our rapidly overflowing sink and counters I figured I could do both if I put the bulk of the dishes in the rarely used dishwasher for a change. Of course, this would be the night that after I load the damn thing it decides not to work. The “on” light is blinking rapidly which the manual tells me indicates some kind of technical fault that requires a phone call to a helpline and some kind of engineer.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
There’s nothing worse than having to unload a dishwasher that’s just been filled with dirty cutlery, plates, glasses and pots. So, I’ve decided to ignore them for tonight and figure it out in the morning….
T’s first night in her own room
Last night was a major milestone for me – T slept in her cot in her own room and it was definitely harder for mummy than it was for her.
It’s taken us a little while to get to this point. T’s cot and mattress were delivered three weeks ago on January 14. My husband and I stepped over the boxes for a week or so and then discovered, when he started the assembly, that of course two crucial fixings were missing.
So, I had to get on the phone to John Lewis and they in turn had to ask their manufacturer to send us the missing parts.
My husband finished assembling the cot last week and it looked really good. I then realised I really needed some waterproof sheets. It was back to John Lewis, online this time, to order those and my husband collected them after work on Monday.
We then had to figure out where the cot should go. Initially we planned to keep T in our bedroom and then move her into her own room at 6 months. However, after discussing it with the mummies at mum & baby meet-up yesterday I decided if she was going to get used to her new bed it was probably best to get her used to her new room at the same time.
I have to admit I got a bit teary as I hauled the cot from our room to the spare room and made her bed up for the first time. T barely has any room left in her basket but it still felt like such a huge step.
Last night T’s daddy gave her a bath and I gave her a bedtime feed, this time while sat in the rocking chair in her new room. As per usual, she started to get sleepy so I put her down in her cot. At first she cried. My husband pointed out she does that most nights anyway which is true. Then, after 20 minutes or so of picking her up and then putting her down she started to soothe herself by sucking her thumb and ended up star-shaped, fast asleep.
T usually wakes up for night time feeds every 3 hours. The first one is sometime between midnight and 1am then around 3am then around 6am. These feeds are like midnight snacks. She has a quick 5 minute top up, burps and falls asleep immediately. True to form T woke up at midnight, I gave her a quick feed and put her down again. She then woke up crying at 1am but after I winded her she was fine and fell asleep immediately. After her 3am feed T was unsettled and cried for 20 minutes which isn’t usual. I’m guessing she wasn’t sure where she was but after a few cuddles she fell asleep again until 6.30am.
It was tiring getting up out of bed each time to check on her. In addition to her feeds and occasional cries I also found myself getting up to check on her even when she was peacefully silent. I wanted to make sure she hadn’t pulled her blanket up over her face or something scary like that. I’m used to just leaning over to peek at her or just scooping her out of her basket into our bed to feed or wind her. By 6.30am I was so tired my husband had to wake me up to tell me T was crying for something to eat.
On the plus side though, T settled into her new bed pretty quickly considering I’d expected full pelt protests for most of the night.
What I hadn’t anticipated was how much I would miss her. My side of the bed looks really empty without T being there in her moses basket. My husband thinks I’m a bit loopy but I feel quite sad about it.
There’s no going back though as T’s basket and stand are being passed on to her new cousin so they’ll be put to good use.
We’ll see how it goes moving forward, I guess I’ll have to take cues from my daughter and just get on with it.
Mummy’s date with George
Last night my friend Catherine and I met in Brixton to marvel at George Clooney in Up In the Air, followed by drinks afterwards. I was really looking forward to seeing Cath and very excited about my first evening out without baby.
It was a scramble to get ready though. My husband, T and I had spent the afternoon at Borough market, which was fun. But, as per usual, I hadn’t factored in enough time to get ready to go out that evening… By the time I finished feeding T I had exactly 7 minutes to get myself ready. As I threw on an outfit and hunted for my missing Oyster card T was distressed. I felt awful leaving her while she was teary, I almost turned back to check on her after leaving the flat but I knew my husband would settle her eventually and it wasn’t fair to be late for Catherine.
I somehow managed to get to Brixton on time and the film was so-so but I had a lovely night. We ended up staying out later than planned and we both got into a little bit of trouble with our other halves… By the time I got off the last tube, enroute to McDonalds, I found I had a frantic text message from my husband asking where the emergency stash of formula milk was. He’d used all the expressed milk and was panicking. A few weeks ago I’d bought some readymade formula in case of emergency on the recommendation of another mummy and he couldn’t find it.
I immediately phoned my husband feeling incredibly guilty for being gone for so long. It turned out T had woken up crying at midnight with presumed hunger but had fallen asleep again by the time my husband had located the emergency stash. When I got home she was still sound asleep. My husband told me T had cried for a long time earlier that night and once again didn’t want to take her bottle at first. Her bath settled her a little but she cried again for a while at bedtime before falling asleep.
I think I’m going to have to start giving T a bottle of expressed milk more frequently so she can get used to it. Right now she has it once a week while I’m out and each time it seems to come as a shock. I’m going to try to give her a bottle of expressed milk every evening and see if she starts to get used to it.
Eating out with baby
Prior to T’s arrival my husband and I would eat out every Sunday night. I’m not sure when it started, probably sometime after I moved to Long Beach, but it’s become a regular fixture over the past few years and something we look forward to.
When I was heavily pregnant, over one of our Sunday dinners, we discussed what we would do after baby’s arrival. We pretty much assumed our Sunday nights out would draw to a close. They did stop for the first few weeks after T was born but before I knew it we were back to our old ways, this time with a small baby in tow.
So far T has visited a wide range of restaurants in North/East London… Indian restaurants (Masala Zone about half a dozen times and a place I can’t remember the name of in Exmouth market)…. Caribbean restaurants (Cottons)…. pizza places (La Porchetta & Pizza East)…. gastropubs (The Canonbury)…. Teppan Yaki restaurants (Sen Nin)… cheap and cheerful places (Nandos)…
To begin with we could rely on her to sleep through proceedings. Now T is getting bigger she’s captivated by new surroundings so when we take her somewhere she likes to sit with us and be nosey. I’ve now perfected the art of eating with one hand, feeding the baby discreetly and changing the baby quickly in the ladies in the absence of baby changing facilities.
So far this week T has already been to two restaurants. On Sunday we had a family meal with T’s grandma as my mum was visiting for a few nights. We had a fantastic meal at Cottons and when we got home my mum babysat while my husband and I went out for a drink for the first time post-baby. It was already late so we decided to go to one of our locals for just one hour but it was really nice.
Yesterday T & I met my friend Kate for lunch in town at Zizzi on Charlotte Street. The restaurant was packed but fortunately T behaved beautifully. After staring at all the diners for half of our meal T started to get tired and spent the rest of the meal crashed out on the bench next to me.
Based on my experiences, I’ve discovered a few tenets over the past few months when eating out with a baby:
- Feed her and change her before leaving the house.
- Despite #1, don’t assume you won’t need the change bag and be prepared – when faced with a poo explosion it’s more than likely your restaurant won’t have adequate baby change facilities.
- Avoid ordering starters or desserts in order to expedite proceedings.
- Try to pick a meal that can requires minimal cutting so you can eat with one hand if need be. Sometimes that’s hard to do which results in me having to ask my husband to cut my food for me, or, passing the baby between us in between bites.
- Be prepared as soon as baby gets a sniff of your food/ watches you eat she too may get hungry, even if you did feed her before setting out.
- Carry a favourite toy in case baby gets bored.
- If you are eating out on your own with your baby make sure you go the bathroom before you leave the house. As I found out at Zizzi, if you’re alone with baby there’s no one to watch her for you when you need the bathroom, which could be bad if you haven’t planned ahead…
Mummy’s 1st day without baby
Yesterday I spent the day without T for the very first time.
Up till now I’d left home without T on only four occasions to run speedy errands (two trips to Tesco Express, one to Snappy Snaps and one trip to the dentist).
When I left home at 9am yesterday both T and my husband were sound asleep. It felt so weird not having her with me during the day, but I resisted the urge to call and check in to see how they were doing. I didn’t want my husband to think I was overly anxious as he didn’t seem worried in the slightest.
I returned home at 8pm to find T playing happily on her play gym and my husband in the kitchen unpacking groceries, perfectly content.
It wasn’t all plain sailing though… apparently T had cried and cried for the first half of the day and it took half an hour to convince her to take a bottle for the first feed. But, by late afternoon T was much cheerier and seemed to have enjoyed the trip to Waitrose with daddy.
My husband had a brief panic while shopping when he spotted a suspicious looking bulge in her snuggle suit. Thinking the nappy had come undone he raced back to the car to investigate only to find the bulge was the result of a misplaced hat and mittens. (Good job too as it turns out he’d left the baby change bag at home.)
Next weekend I’m going clothes shopping with my friend Enek, T will spend the day with her daddy and I know I won’t have to worry.
