Endless giggles
Today T and I had a late lazy lunch with my friend Lisa who’s expecting her first baby this autumn.
Lisa looks amazing and chatting about her pregnancy brought it all back to me, as exactly one year ago I was at the exact same stage in my pregnancy. It’s funny how time flies… a year ago I couldn’t even imagine what life with my baby would be like. Now T’s here, yet I can’t imagine what our life will be like one year from now when T will be a walking, talking toddler…
Lunch was lovely and Lisa surprised T and I with gifts for us both. T helped me unwrap her gifts and chewed on the wrapping paper.
T was pretty tired after our afternoon out and about and I’ve just put her to bed, content and happy after our best bath-time yet. I decided to introduce one of her gifts from Lisa, a set of bath squirts. T started giggling the minute she saw them. She squealed with delight when I squirted her with ducky and the giggles continued all the way through bath time.
It’s the first time I’ve heard her laugh so hard and for so long. It made me laugh too. It feels incredible to see her reaction to her new toys and just how much joy they gave her.
It’s at times like this I really wish we had a camcorder. Mind you, I wouldn’t be able to hold a camcorder, bath a slippery baby and squirt her toys at the same time I guess!
Mummy milestones
T was six months old last Friday. As first-time parents, there’s a tendency to spend a lot of time noting/obsessing over your baby’s milestones as they hit each key stage. I’ve found myself repeatedly cracking open the baby books as each month passes to double check the developmental stages that T should be reaching.
However this time round, with this 6 month milestone, I didn’t rush for the books again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still keen to know if T is progressing along the right lines. (I’m immensely proud of the fact that she can now sit without tumbling over for a couple of minutes and that she’s developed the cutest, most infectious laugh I’ve ever heard.) However, instead of scrutinising her, I’ve spent the past few days since T’s 6 month birthday mulling over how I’ve fared in my new role as a mother.
In many ways, with routine mummy tasks – like feeding, changing, bath time, bedtime, playtime, soothing baby – I feel that I finally get what it is I’m supposed to be doing. T and I have found our way around the major obstacles, sometimes in a bumpy fashion, but these things have gradually become second nature. I guess this means I’m no longer a “new” mum – probation is officially over.
As I reflect, I think my proudest achievements so far are learning to recognise the differences between T’s cries and learning how to multi-task. With regards to the latter, I always thought I was good at this before. Funny that. As it turns out, I had yet to face my ultimate test.
A few multi-tasking lessons I’ve learnt over the past few months include:
- Don’t skip lunch just because you think you have your hands full with tending to baby and are too exhausted/don’t have time to fix anything. You’ll crash and burn if you do. Put the baby down and eat something. Even if it’s just cous-cous (my newest favourite thing, after biscuits, as “cooking” requires boiling a kettle and letting it stand for a matter of minutes)
- Certain tasks that used to take you 20 minutes in your uninterrupted life pre-baby (like fixing a proper lunch for example) may now seem like insurmountable obstacles. If it’s important to you, find a way to still do it. If it isn’t important or not possible to complete in interrupted intervals, forget about it or put it off until that magical time when your baby is asleep.
- Always, always, always stockpile washing powder, nappies, wipes and your own personal essentials, whatever they may be (for me currently, biscuits). That way you’ll have an emergency stash and never have to do a panicked dash to the supermarket when you’re already running late doing whatever else it was you were supposed to do.
I’ve learnt tons over the past 6 months but in other ways I still feel a bit lost. Inside I still feel like the old me, pre-baby, but everything on the outside is totally different. At times, my old life feels like I dreamt it up. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I had a lot of fun over the past decade but by the time I hit 29 I wanted a baby really badly. I felt I was ready to move on to the next stage and embrace whatever it was that held for me.
While I’m still figuring out some important bits, namely how my new role as a mother sits alongside the rest of my life, having a baby really has brought everything into focus. My perspectives have shifted in lots of ways when it comes to determining with what is really important to me and our little family. I guess when everyone tells you “nothing will ever be the same again” it’s true, but how you interpret what that means to you can be thrilling and scary at the same time.
A day in the life of a not so yummy mummy
I have been a stay-at-home mum for 5 months.
Time is flying.
T doesn’t exactly have a set daytime routine and neither does her mummy, but thinking about it, our weekdays have a kind of random pattern.
T wakes up sometime between 6.30am and 7am for a feed. We then fall asleep again for an hour. I’m usually awake when my husband goes to work at 8.30am. T is still sleepy at this time and if I’m really tired I’ll stay in bed for a bit too.
T’s day usually consists of a top and tail wash first thing, getting changed into day clothes, feeds, nappy changes and brief naps in the morning and the afternoon. In between these core activities she’ll spend an hour or so on the play gym “talking” to Mr. Monkey and Mr. Elephant, sucking her thumb or playing with her rattles. She’ll strain her neck trying to watch TV if mummy leaves it on.
Most days there’s an hour or two spent in the baby carrier while mummy runs an errand. Or, we’ll pop to mum & baby meet-up / baby massage / stay and play / baby bounce depending on the day of the week.
In the evening T spends half an hour in the bouncing baby chair in the kitchen watching mummy try to prepare some kind of dinner or get a handle on the day’s washing up. T normally starts protesting after a little while so we usually end up on the sofa where I read to her or talk to her prior to her last feed before bath time begins at 8.15pm. After bath time T has one final feed in her room and then it’s time for bed.
Mummy’s day usually consists of the above plus a piece of toast for breakfast while watching a bit of Sky News and reviewing my emails first thing. If I’m feeling optimistic or don’t have a morning appointment somewhere I try to express milk in the morning while simultaneously feeding the baby.
During the day I usually have at least one errand to run and there’s always at least two cycles of laundry to do by nightfall plus washing up dishes whenever I get chance; fixing a quick lunch (usually late afternoon, at around 4pm); trying to do a bit of work when T naps and then cooking some kind of meal later in the evening.
By the time T has been bathed and put to bed I’m exhausted but I usually finish fixing dinner straight after she’s been put down and my husband steps in to help settle her if need be while I’m in the kitchen. Or vice versa, he cooks and I collapse on the sofa. We then eat and catch up on each other’s days before I do a bit more work and then head to bed after midnight.
I absolutely hate doing housework but I came to realize this evening that I spend the bulk of my time (when T isn’t in my arms) doing some kind of household chore. I find tackling housework while looking after a small baby is a bit like learning to tread water for the first time. It takes a massive amount of effort just to try and keep your head above water.
I think the majority of the mummies at our tea group have cleaners, one told me thanks to her cleaner she hasn’t had to clean the bathroom once since her baby was born. The idea seems like a little sliver of heaven to me. We can’t afford a cleaner, plus our flat is pretty small, so I attempt to stay on top of the basics with varying degrees of success.
If T’s awake, a small chore can take a lot longer than it should so I often have to weigh up which job desperately needs doing and which one can wait. Tonight, at 11pm, it was a toss up between doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom (both needed urgent attention and I knew at that time of night there was no chance of coaxing my husband into either area). As I surveyed our rapidly overflowing sink and counters I figured I could do both if I put the bulk of the dishes in the rarely used dishwasher for a change. Of course, this would be the night that after I load the damn thing it decides not to work. The “on” light is blinking rapidly which the manual tells me indicates some kind of technical fault that requires a phone call to a helpline and some kind of engineer.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
There’s nothing worse than having to unload a dishwasher that’s just been filled with dirty cutlery, plates, glasses and pots. So, I’ve decided to ignore them for tonight and figure it out in the morning….
T and the cot – Day 8
Last night wasn’t much fun. After my last post T woke up for her 1am feed and then screamed for an hour when put back down in her cot. The same thing happened when she woke up for a feed at 6am. At that point, thoroughly exhausted, I capitulated and brought her into bed with us.
I’ve started to dread bedtime as much as T does.
I was wiped out this morning so T and I had a lie in and in the afternoon we went to NCT tea group. Tea group is a new thing, this was our second meeting. It’s a small group of local mums and babies who take turns to host a get together over tea and biscuits.
This week there was only four of us. I asked the other mummies for cot advice. Laura told me she uses a cot bumper for her son and because he sleeps in a baby sleeping bag she can position him close to bumper so he feels secure. Kate recommended I make my own version of a sleep positioner with towels until mine arrives.
I decided the bumper was definitely worth a shot. I already have a baby sleep bag for T that has only been used once about 4 months ago, but I didn’t have a bumper so I dashed to the shops at 5pm after the tea group ended.
Tonight I bathed T at 8.15pm, she started to get impatient during the massage so I wrapped it up and took her into her room. This time as I dimmed the lights I also put on the iPod with the baby lullabies. T seemed to be listening to the new sounds while she had her bedtime feed. They’re pretty cheesy versions of lullabies but she seemed to like them and looked really peaceful when her feed came to her end.
I put her in the cot, this time placing her in her sleep bag and positioning her near the top of the mattress, close to the bumper. T started crying as soon as her back touched the mattress. After waiting to see if she’d pipe down I scooped her up to see if she had wind. Nope. As soon as T was in my arms she snuggled her head into the nook between my shoulder and neck and started cooing. I put her down again and the cries started immediately.
At that point I recalled Kate’s advice and decided to make two large sausages, one out of her rolled up blanked and one out of a bath towel and placed those to one side of her, so her sleep space resembled the size of her moses basket.
T was still crying so I decided to wait it out and see what happened. I left her room, leaving the lullaby CD on and went to deal with the laundry. Before I knew it the cries had subsided. In just 10 minutes! I took a peek and T was asleep.
I think this may be the breakthrough. I really, really hope so.
T and the cot – Day 7
I’ve decided to keep a daily log of T’s adventures in her cot as I’m hoping (before we hit day 777) that bedtime will soon revert back to how it was just over a week ago.
Those good nights seem like a lifetime ago already.
Tonight T was already falling asleep during her pre-bath feed so I kept bath-time short and sweet. She enjoyed it and was still calm after she came out of the water so I gave her a quick massage before putting on her nightclothes and taking her into her room for her final feed at 8.35pm.
At 8.55pm I put her down in the cot as she was winded and seemed content. Not for long though. At first I heard her babbling away quietly to herself while I was in bathroom putting away the bath things. Pretty soon though she started crying and wouldn’t stop. I tried soothing her without picking her up, by stroking her hair gently. T stopped crying immediately and started smiling. Then, the minute I’d leave her, she’d start crying again.
Usually at bedtime her cry is intermittent and quite muted, a kind of sleepy protest cry that eases as she sucks her thumb and soothes herself to sleep. Now, things are different. T’s cries are full pelt and ferocious, like her heart is breaking.
I tried waiting it out to see if the cries would subside but it didn’t. T was so distressed. I tried the “pick up, put down” approach a few times without much success. Eventually, 1 hour and 20 minutes after bedtime T finally stopped crying after I put her back in her cot and she fell asleep. I came into the lounge and burst into tears. It was just so hard hearing her so upset.
Earlier in the evening I’d ordered a sleep positioner from Jo Jo Maman Bébé after discussing our problem with the other mummies at Mum & Baby meet up this afternoon. Louise said it worked a treat for her daughter. I hope it gets here real fast.
T just woke up again, or so I thought. I went to check on her and she was literally making crying noises while asleep. She must really hate this cot, it’s now giving her bad dreams.
In addition to the sleep positioner I’m going to try introducing bedtime lullabies. I’m an awful singer so I’m uploading a CD I bought her for Christmas onto my iPod. There are speakers in her room so we’ll give that a shot tomorrow…
Bedtime battles are back
So it looks like I spoke too soon. Since moving into her cot last Wednesday T has started resisting bedtime…with a vengeance.
It’s taken a few nights for me to realise a pattern was emerging. It finally hit home on Saturday night as I was rushing to get ready for my first big night out in 12 months.
I had planned the preparation for my night with precision. My friend Cathy had done the hard work with regards to earmarking the night and rounding everyone up. She even offered to pick me up enroute. All I had to do was get ready and I wanted to make sure T was settled first. So, I planned to bath T and put her to bed as usual before getting ready to go out. By the time Cathy picked me up in her taxi at 10.40pm to head into the city I assumed T would be sound asleep, leaving her daddy to handle the short feed at around 1am.
As planned, I had a shower then I bathed T, fed her, put her to bed and started to get myself ready. But T wouldn’t settle. After an hour of distress I found myself having to take off my party dress in order to give her a “last minute hope this works” feed while praying Cathy’s taxi would be running late. I really didn’t want to leave the house while T was upset. I was fortunate as she was soothed quickly by the milk and by the time the taxi pulled up she had fallen asleep leaving me just enough time to throw on my dress again, grab my bag and pull on some shoes.
Since that night I’ve been watching T more closely. In her new pattern, T splashes around happily in her bath until it’s time to get dressed into her sleepsuit. Then the cries often start. I manage to calm her down by her last feed at bedtime. But now, instead of falling asleep swiftly and deeply after eating like she used to, she’s started crying as soon as she’s left in her cot.
For the past few nights it’s taken over an hour for her to settle. She cries and cries, my husband and I take turns to go in and calm her down but in the end she just exhausts herself and crashes out. Then she wakes up abruptly shortly after for round two. Once that battle is over though she reverts to normal and sleeps until around 1.30am when she has a quick 5 minute feed. She falls asleep again immediately until around 6.30am when she has another feed before a light sleep before waking up fully around 7.45am.
I’m hopeful we can get back to how things used to be with the moses basket. T has to get used to bedtime all over again. I’m just hoping it doesn’t take too long.
Baby Bounce
This morning I took T to Baby Bounce at the local children’s centre on the recommendation of Laura, one of the mummies in the NCT teagroup. It was packed. Laura had warned me that it was very popular.
The two organisers, Danielle and Marianne, were lovely. I’d met Danielle before at T’s first baby massage class. They told me there were over 40 mummies in attendance. Considering there were also 40 babies it was very noisy but funnily enough there wasn’t any crying. The babies were having too much fun.
For the first 90 minutes of Baby Bounce the babies, who are all under one year, get to play. Then for the last half an hour there’s a singing session. T was asleep when we arrived so when she woke up she looked a bit confused. She looked up at me with a kind of “where are now?” face.
We both really enjoyed it. I learnt lots of songs to sing and it was great to see how much the other babies, who have been coming for a while, were loving all the songs and anticipating the motions.
Danielle told us at the end of the class that moving forward they were going to have to put a cap on the attendance and it would be done on a first come first served basis. So, if we want to go again I figure I’ll have to get there before the class starts at 10am.
It will be worth it though. T has become more and more vocal over the past 6 weeks but I noticed already today that since we came home from Baby Bounce she’s been babbling away to herself for much longer. Now she is more and more aware of toys and can use her hands to pull and tug on things I know she’ll adore all the play things at Baby Bounce.
Last night while in her Tummy Tub at bathtime for the first time T splashed the water so hard it soaked me and then gave me a huge grin. It was great to see. I think I may have to dust off my swimsuit for the first time in over a year and put us on the waiting list for some swimming sessions.
T’s first night in her own room
Last night was a major milestone for me – T slept in her cot in her own room and it was definitely harder for mummy than it was for her.
It’s taken us a little while to get to this point. T’s cot and mattress were delivered three weeks ago on January 14. My husband and I stepped over the boxes for a week or so and then discovered, when he started the assembly, that of course two crucial fixings were missing.
So, I had to get on the phone to John Lewis and they in turn had to ask their manufacturer to send us the missing parts.
My husband finished assembling the cot last week and it looked really good. I then realised I really needed some waterproof sheets. It was back to John Lewis, online this time, to order those and my husband collected them after work on Monday.
We then had to figure out where the cot should go. Initially we planned to keep T in our bedroom and then move her into her own room at 6 months. However, after discussing it with the mummies at mum & baby meet-up yesterday I decided if she was going to get used to her new bed it was probably best to get her used to her new room at the same time.
I have to admit I got a bit teary as I hauled the cot from our room to the spare room and made her bed up for the first time. T barely has any room left in her basket but it still felt like such a huge step.
Last night T’s daddy gave her a bath and I gave her a bedtime feed, this time while sat in the rocking chair in her new room. As per usual, she started to get sleepy so I put her down in her cot. At first she cried. My husband pointed out she does that most nights anyway which is true. Then, after 20 minutes or so of picking her up and then putting her down she started to soothe herself by sucking her thumb and ended up star-shaped, fast asleep.
T usually wakes up for night time feeds every 3 hours. The first one is sometime between midnight and 1am then around 3am then around 6am. These feeds are like midnight snacks. She has a quick 5 minute top up, burps and falls asleep immediately. True to form T woke up at midnight, I gave her a quick feed and put her down again. She then woke up crying at 1am but after I winded her she was fine and fell asleep immediately. After her 3am feed T was unsettled and cried for 20 minutes which isn’t usual. I’m guessing she wasn’t sure where she was but after a few cuddles she fell asleep again until 6.30am.
It was tiring getting up out of bed each time to check on her. In addition to her feeds and occasional cries I also found myself getting up to check on her even when she was peacefully silent. I wanted to make sure she hadn’t pulled her blanket up over her face or something scary like that. I’m used to just leaning over to peek at her or just scooping her out of her basket into our bed to feed or wind her. By 6.30am I was so tired my husband had to wake me up to tell me T was crying for something to eat.
On the plus side though, T settled into her new bed pretty quickly considering I’d expected full pelt protests for most of the night.
What I hadn’t anticipated was how much I would miss her. My side of the bed looks really empty without T being there in her moses basket. My husband thinks I’m a bit loopy but I feel quite sad about it.
There’s no going back though as T’s basket and stand are being passed on to her new cousin so they’ll be put to good use.
We’ll see how it goes moving forward, I guess I’ll have to take cues from my daughter and just get on with it.
My baby-changing essentials
There are so many baby items to choose from… When I was pregnant and devouring baby magazines, books and websites I came across endless lists of recommended items for your baby’s arrival. I’m really glad that I didn’t go crazy back then as I have already ended up with a few items that I didn’t really need.
But, there is a selection of items that I purchased or received as gifts that I absolutely love.
Here they are…
TUMMY TUB
I stumbled upon the Tummy Tub while looking for a regular baby bath before T’s arrival. I bought mine from John Lewis.
Due to it’s unique shape it enables T to sit upright. It was designed to provide comfort to babies as their position in the tub resembles their position in the womb. You can use for babies up to the age of 6 months.
NATURE BABYCARE BIODEGRADABLE NAPPIES
I chose these nappies for T as they are made from 100% natural materials and I didn’t really want chemicals next to her skin as she’s in a nappy for approximately 23.5 hours a day. They are the same price as Pampers but the downside of Nature Babycare nappies is they are hard to find as retail distribution is limited. I find I have to bulk order in advance from Boots.com to make sure I don’t run out.
DERMA H2O WATER WIPES
Unfortunately these wipes are too pricey for me to use all the time and they also have limited distribution. I still use cotton wool and water when changing T’s nappy as opposed to baby wipes, but if I was to use wipes for every nappy change, after sampling this brand these are the ones I would pick. Derma H2O Water Wipes are made from 99.9% water and are preservative free.
TOMMEE TIPPEE SANGENIC NAPPY DISPOSAL
The Tommee Tippee refill cassettes aren’t cheap, I’ve no idea how much the cost will total by the time T is out of nappies. I dread to think. But, a nappy disposal is essential. The Sangenic Nursery Essentials system uses a unique twist and seal system that individually wraps nappies in fragranced film. It’s neat and compact.
A COMFORTABLE TRAVEL CHANGE MAT
The first mat I had for T came with her first baby change bag and was so uncomfortable for her. Last week I chucked it out when I found this one at H&M. I liked it so much I bought one for my sister-in-law’s new baby too.
ELSA’S HEALING BALM
I use this on T’s skin most days. It’s brilliant. Elsa’s Healing Balm helps treat eczema, nappy rash and cuts. It’s a handmade from a Swiss formula with 100% natural ingredients including pure cold pressed olive oil, pure almond oil, pure beeswax and jasmine oil.
New Year, New Rules
I learnt a very important lesson over Christmas. I have been preventing my daughter from learning how to fall asleep peacefully at night.
After observing my struggles at night-time for a few days my Mum gently suggested that I stop picking up T every time she cries to allow her to learn to soothe herself to sleep.
Mum was right. Bedtimes are often fraught as I never know how T will respond. Occasionally she’ll fall asleep without fuss but most nights she wakes up and usually won’t settle until I’ve rocked her for an hour or more. We live in a flat and I constantly worry about the neighbours when T cries late at night, but, I also realise the sooner she learns about bedtime the sooner we’ll all have some peace.
It was hard to hear that I needed to leave her to cry if she’s been fed, winded and changed. But, I knew it was something I needed to do. So I told T there’s a new sheriff in town and mummy was going to have to be tough…
This week I started the new rules. I gave T a bath, a massage and a feed. She became sleepy and fell asleep by herself around 10pm. An hour later she woke up crying with wind. I helped her bring it up and then with Mum’s encouragement put her in the basket to settle. T resisted loudly. It was so hard. It’s the worst feeling I’d experienced to hear my baby cry and not pick her up. I felt negligent and it made me want to cry too.
If Mum hadn’t been there I would have caved after 10 minutes and scooped her up. Mum was spot on though. Eventually after 35 minutes T’s cries subsided and she drifted off to sleep.
When T woke up again at 1am I fed her, winded her and then put her in the basket again. T didn’t like it at all. She cried really hard. I felt awful. I couldn’t help thinking if I gave her a cuddle she would settle. But I remembered how I spend hours holding her at night and she often cries regardless. T needed to sleep and I had to remain firm to show her how.
After an hour she fell asleep and so did I. We woke up at 8am and T was her usual cheery self and didn’t seem traumatized in the slightest.
So far I’ve been able to stick to the new rules. Last night T cried for over an hour but tonight she fell asleep by herself after about 15 minutes alone in the her basket, without crying. My husband and I keep sneaking peeks at her to check but it’s worked, she’s sleeping soundly. It feels like a miracle. I wish I’d done this weeks and weeks ago.
